You know that if I did meet a good man I would not write about that online ;  p

Privacy is important.

So this is my last post about online dating….Been there, done with that.

Good luck on your search!

file://localhost/Users/vickirichards/Desktop/IMG_0076.JPG These men live far away from my location. So let’s see….if they read my profile they’d have read that I don’t respond to just winks.

So are they not reading? Or they are just sending winks…to what end? Maybe  I’m missing something in the “game”. I’m just not into games.

My Match.com membership ends in a couple weeks. I’ve been on and off  the site for a few years. I’m thinking it’s become a big waste of time.

Okay they/we are the walking wounded and I see this over and over again. And before the wounds are seen or heard…there are the guys that are hiding out, not posting photos. Guys who are separated. Who knows if they are married ?

So that’s the scoop today.

Well that’s almost as bad as morning news on TV. gas prices are rising!

On the website near my profile info is a little illustration: a dial with an arrow showing my rank in red. As though I’m on E in my tank.

Guess it’s time for another cup of tea and to shut down the computer, take a bike ride & enjoy the beauty.

What a contrast…online it’s a 1 dimensional critique

In  3 dimensions its natural beauty and bird song.  I choose the latter.

I guess that means I Almost, kind of,  met 100 new guys ? (Good thing I didn’t have to get dressed up every time That happened!)  So many  are looking at my information and so few actually wrote a coherent statement of interest. The little “flirt” choices are another layer of depersonalizing interaction. They say nothing.  Is it shyness or laziness?

I had another friend tell me recently she’s through with all the online stuff. Because there was no way to tell if there was “truth in disclosure” by the fella some problems arose for her. I sure hope you are taking care to tell someone where you are meeting a new guy. Be careful out there ladies.

Set a phone check in time when you are going to meet someone. This is an important safety feature for yourself.

I’ve been fortunate that I’ve not had real creepy incidents. However in my teens…well that’s another story from a decade long gone.

Honestly though, those teen years were training of some sort and I have to try to remember a little since I had been a span of 30 years between dates (Oh right…because there was a 30 year marriage in-between dates : )

Marriage was a time of learning about partnership, intimacy, friendship and working towards shared goals, especially while raising children. Many life skills developed!

Got to say that when a man I’m with does this, I am not a happy camper. The “Roving Eye” not only turns the eyes but the neck, head and occasionally, the waist. At that point I have do ask him, “Do you know her?” In the past that would elicit a cloudy expression of incomprehension. Some men have absolutely no idea their eyes stray so far and how undermining that is.

Okay we’ve heard about biology and the males hunt for a mate. I’ve seen this “meat market” effect at a bar where I recently attended an alumni gathering. Wow..it’s was really something to watch some men at the bar check out every young woman that entered. There was no overt drooling but the testosterone was palpable. What a night: me with my appetizers watching the show of men while they were watching their show of parading women. It’s like taking a photo of the photographer at work, right?

They are correct is stating that it’s hard to judge chemistry or rapport because that’s “experiential” information gathered in a face to face meeting.  The suggestion is to look at Profiles briefly and then try to quickly meet those that seem interesting .

I’ve had to indicate that I don’t want a pen pal.  Some men have continued to write little emails to me, trying to continue a somewhat boring exchange of information. Sometimes it has been good writing and my hopes are raised.
The “coffee” date usually strips away the veneer and I’m faced with…a total stranger, not knowing what are facts or fiction. However, with that said, I sometimes relax into the “we’re all just humans on this rock” and say, “Let’s tell each other our story.”  I needed a cup of tea anyway and I’m dressed up.

Much is revealed on the subconscious level about the potential match but I don’t buy into the “Love at first sight” model. I’ve never experienced this and things just take time to be revealed and for things to develop.

(Hey, I’d really worry if I became a starry eyed teenager on first view at this point in life! )

It’s not really a cliff to fall off.  We’ve already done that : )

If you have fallen, or risen to an independence and concept of being whole without a partner, then the pressure is off. If there’s pressure you ‘ve got to look at the root cause. Do a little self investigation.

Do you have any idea how many times I’ve edited my Profile for online sites over the past few years? Lots!!! And it was a good exercise in self definition.  The basics remained the same but the words seemed to need more direction and that direction has changed. What’s funny is when I read profiles now I see that the men are sometimes advertising their skills. Others are displaying their list of elements compromising their “Soul Mate”.

I can’t say I’ve read many women’s profiles and the reason I haven’t is that they can See that you have looked at their Profile. So that would mean they think I might have interest in them. Which I don’t, as I don’t go that way. But if I saw that lady in the grocery store and she recognized me I think I would be embarrassed.
Funny but I’d be more embarrassed by that than seeing a guy from the dating site. I think I saw one cross the highway recently. I felt like saying, you know in that good old neighborly way, “Hi there, wasn’t that you on Mootch dot com? I loved your new picture. Yeah, you should wear blue more often. Suits you.”

Fortunately there are vast numbers of fish in the sea & we are kept strangely  anonymous.

So after a divorce there’s a period of wandering. I used to say that “not all who are wandering are lost” and I”m sticking with that. (It’s quote from someone…anyone know?

It’s not wanderlust….just wandering. Seem to be a lot of us milling about these days. Thing is there are hopes that the next one we are in communication with might be the one to fill the position of partner. And not for just a temporary tryst.